Utah Votes for McMullin, Hands Election to Hillary; Nation Remembers Why They Hate Mormons

by Trey Hawthorne, World Beacon Standard Journal

In a stunning turn of events, Utah apparently has denied Donald Trump a win in the 2016 presidential election. With 97% of precincts reporting, independent Mormon presidential candidate Evan McMullin has received 37% of the State’s vote, to Trump’s 34%, with Clinton receiving 24%, giving McMullin Utah’s 6 electoral votes, which left Trump 4 shy of the 270 needed to secure the win over Democratic rival Hillary Clinton.  The international businessman, entrepreneur and TV personality was visibly upset when the news was broken to him at his election night gala at the New York Midtown Hilton hotel. “This is Mitt’s fault. We had yuge momentum. Never saw it coming. We got Florida. We won North Carolina. We even won Michigan. What did I ever do to Mormons? I love Mormons. I’ve hired Mormons. Thought they loved me. Did you see them when Mike went out there? They were going crazy. Unbelievable. Utah of all places. And who is this McMullin guy?”

Many latter-day saints have taken to social media to plead their case in an effort to diffuse the anger directed at them from angry Trump supporters. “I’m really sorry” posted Heber Warner, 37, a network marketing specialist and resident of Salt Lake County on his facebook page. “I never really wanted it to go this far. All of our leaders were upset at Trump’s language and a lot of us were too. I just wanted to make a statement that our elected leaders should use modest language.”  Brother Mitt said he couldn’t support Trump and that sort of helped me make up my mind too.” As of 11:45 PM MDT, there were approximately 470,000 comments and counting on Bennion’s facebook page that began with ‘Go **** yourself you ______________, and ended with ‘you just blew up the ******* world as*****!’

“I’m pretty sure this will all blow over soon once everyone has a chance to get a good night’s sleep and calm down. This isn’t like the end of the world or something”, added Warner. “I hope when people come to visit our ‘pretty great state’ soon they will see that we really didn’t mean it to work out this way, and it’s nothing to keep us from being friends again and stuff.”